Aubrey's List (Excerpt - The Yellow Cup)
by AliceSloane13
Summary: Aubrey has things she needs to tell Beca before she leaves. Chloe has secrets and it's time Beca learns about them. This summary is terrible, but I don't want to give things away - sorry


A/N: This will eventually be part of a larger story, but my brain is an asshole and decided I needed this image in my head. I'm hating myself right now because of that. I don't know if I'll actually include it in the other story or just reference this, but I need to get this out before I can move forward.

 _What if Chloe carries her cup around for a darker reason? What if it has nothing to do with Beca's audition?_

XOXOXO

Chloe has a yellow cup. It's hers and everyone knows that. The Bella's don't touch it. It's an unspoken rule. Everyone knows it, but they're not really sure why. It's took about a year for Chloe to alter this. One night she asks Jessica if she'll refill it for her, leaving everyone silent and curious. This only ever happened when they were home. Even then, it's Jessica, Beca, or Aubrey.

When they're not at home, Chloe's cup never leaves her grasp. No one talks about it. Chloe has lots of quirks about her and even though they know this is different, that it's not up for discussion, they know that this is more serious than her other oddities. They silently accept the weird quirk and Chloe is grateful for their consideration.

XOXOXO

Every time Chloe spots one of Barden's rape whistles she rolls her eyes. The gesture seems like offhanded irritation, but it's something else. The only Bella who carries hers around is Stacie. The odd part is that Stacie doesn't wear it for herself, she wears it because she wants other girls to know that it's okay to take their safety seriously.

She doesn't miss how Chloe's shoulders tense and her eyes glaze over each time she spots it. Her mind seems to wander and they know she's not with them in those moments. It's not that the Bellas know not to talk about this; most of the time they just don't want to know. Awkwardly they pretend they don't see. The guilt eats at each of them, but it's hard to ask after so many months of staying quiet.

XOXOXO

Chloe is protective of the Bellas. Within the first few weeks she makes sure that each of them know she is there for them no matter what. One by one she puts her number in each of their phones as an emergency contact. If they need her or if, God forbid, something happens to them she'll know about it.

She's the one that waits up until everyone is either home or accounted for. If someone is sick, Chloe takes care of them. If they're having trouble with school, Chloe finds them help. When they're upset, she is their shoulder to cry on. Chloe mother's them all, but she wouldn't want it any other way. She's the one that always makes sure either she or Aubrey stays sober when they're all together.

When they go out, sometimes Chloe gets tipsy and it's freeing in a way that the others don't get, but she doesn't drink heavier than that anymore. Everyone thinks they've seen Chloe Beale drunk, but the truth is the only one left is Aubrey.

Chloe is the glue that holds the Bella's together. She is an advocate for each of them. She doesn't judge or make light of their troubles. She's just there - helping in any way she can.

XOXOXO

Chloe doesn't get upset anymore. She's always been emotional and for most of her freshman year, every emotion she felt showed. She'd had a tough time starting out at college, but the Bellas had given her a place she belonged.

Chloe will still get upset about the Bellas. She shows hurt when her friends are hurting too. She never shows her own worries though. The personal things that get to her, no one sees. Chloe doesn't share the sadness anymore because she knows what will happen if she breaks.

It's taken years to become this strong and she's proud of herself. Every once in a while she feels the sadness, she'll find her way to Aubrey's room and let the blond lull her to sleep. Aubrey is her safety. She doesn't have to explain anything to Aubrey because the other girl just knows.

XOXOXO

Aubrey has been with Chloe since the beginning. She's the only one that knows the truth. She's the one who has seen Chloe's whole college journey and knows how far the redhead has come. She's the one who has never once come close to revealing what she knows.

It is Aubrey who deals with Chloe's suffering. She is the one to take the pain when Chloe needs to lash out. No matter how hard Chloe pushes her away Aubrey believes Chloe deserves love. She's always been the one that stays.

Aubrey doesn't talk about the past. She doesn't ask for help when it gets too painful to watch. Aubrey is Chloe's rock and the only person she has trusted with her secrets. She is Chloe's protector and she promises herself that she will never let Chloe be anything but safe. Aubrey doesn't bring up the past because she knows Chloe isn't ready.

XOXOXO

Tough love is something Aubrey believes in. She knows that even if something hurts, it's the outcome that's important. She tells herself this when she decides to break Chloe's trust. It's not her secret to tell, but she's graduating and Chloe isn't.

Beca is staying even though everyone thought she was leaving. Aubrey knew she would stay all along, she just needed to wait for the younger woman to realize. Aubrey knows it's time. She doesn't have a choice. Even if Chloe doesn't forgive her, she knows it's the right thing.

She hugs Chloe close before she leaves, lingering for a moment. She wonders if this will be the last time. Aubrey kisses Chloe's forehead and has to hide her own tears. Chloe needs to be safe and Aubrey can't offer her that any longer.

So when she sits down with Beca in the coffee shop, her stomach turns and her hands are shaking. There isn't a good way to explain this. It's something sacred and she hopes to God Beca understands. Beca can't run from this. She can't run from it. She can't not care.

She tells her the story - Chloe's story. When Beca breaks down crying, Aubrey knows that the younger girl was the one. She holds Beca close as she cries in her arms. Aubrey understands the pain Beca is feeling, she's been living with it for years.

Aubrey stays and answers Beca's questions. She needs Beca to be the one who takes care of Chloe when she's gone. Beca is the only one she trusts with this. Aubrey knows that even though Beca likes to shrug off the hard stuff, she loves Chloe more. Beca will stay. Beca will love her. Beca will keep her safe.

XOXOXO

Chloe is the girl in the stories, the statistic, the cautionary tale. She's the one that can't ever relax. The one who wants to feel safe. Chloe is the girl who doesn't feel innocent, only embarrassed and ashamed. She knows what it's like to be judged. To be shamed into feeling the blaim. Chloe knows what it's like to be told she should have been smarter.

One night, one party, one moment of distraction, one drink. The next morning her whole world was tainted. She is the girl that only remember fragments - the girl who still wakes up with screams. She is the girl that survived.

Aubrey is the girl who knew. She is the one who guarded. She is the one who stayed. Aubrey is the one who is wracked with guilt when she tells. She is the who admits she was wrong. Aubrey is the girl that talks to Beca and makes her understand.

XOXOXO

Beca is the girl that is misunderstood. She is the one who is assumed not to care. They think she is the one that runs, but Beca let's people think what they want. Beca is the one who breaks rules, she breaks cliches, she breaks standards. Beca is the one who will tell the world to fuck off and prove she doesn't hurt, but always offers herself when someone is in need.

But Beca is the one who doesn't give up. She's the one who silently cares. She's the one who doesn't have the words, but knows how to stay. She knows what it's like to be alone and she knows how to love. Beca is the one who was underestimated until Aubrey realized that she is the one.

Beca is the one Aubrey trusts. She is the only one respected enough to be told. When Aubrey passes her role onto the younger girl, she knows that Chloe will be safe. Aubrey is leaving and Chloe is staying and now - Beca is the one who will watch over Chloe.

Chloe is the girl that was broken. She is the one who put herself back together piece by piece. Chloe is the one that needs love. The one that hides her needs and fills the gaps in her soul with her desire to love those around her.

Chloe Beale is the girl with the open heart. She's sunshine in a smile. Her friends know that she is their safe space. She is their confidant, their advisor, their security. There is not a friend more loyal or compassionate than their redheaded girl. Chloe is the heart of the Bella's. She is love. She just doesn't know how to love herself without them.

XOXOXO

A/N: So, I had planned on making the yellow cup a bigger symbol in this story, but it turned out to be just a shadow of what had happened. Sorry for the angst, feel free to hate me. I hate me right now.


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